In 2018 while on a trip to the UN, I impulsively bought a Pratesi Firenzi purse at a store in New York. I really did not need it. It was more about satisfying my ego amidst my insecurities in such a prestigious environment, representing Canada as Parliamentary Secretary for International Development. Little did I know how significant this purchase would become.
Shortly after returning home, I placed a small carabiner on the bag. It was a tacky and unnecessary addition to an elegant purchase. It was placed in one of the holes on the shoulder strap for “just in case” purposes. Every time (and I mean every single time) I picked up the bag to go out, my mind questioned why it was there, but I never removed it. The purse, a sleek emblem of luxury, contrasted starkly with the rugged, metallic carabiner - an odd but faithful companion. Over the years that followed, I replaced the bag with others, put it in storage as we moved from house to house, but the carabiner stayed put.
On the morning of October 26, 2023, I had a meeting at Queen’s University, and I was running late. For some reason, I used the Pratesi bag. I had others, but this was the one in rotation for that day. I placed the bag over my shoulder, after parking my car and started running down Barrie Street in Kingston, Ontario. At the intersection, just before the meeting location, the shoulder strap flew away, and so did my bag. My heart sank as I saw my belongings scattered about. I was late, so I hurried to gather my stuff, and started running again. Before I got too far, I saw the carabiner at the corner of my eye, some distance behind me now. I glanced up at the name of the street at the intersection, to mark where it was, and rushed off.
I was unnerved. I felt uneasy walking into the meeting, and it did not help that I had a shoulder strap dangling down the side of my purse. As I greeted the lady at the reception, she mentioned that the other individuals were running late, and that I could have a seat in the waiting area. All that running for nothing, I thought. While waiting, I had an opportunity to examine the bag’s damage. The shoulder strap was not removable. The part holding it in place had broken in half and there was no way of fixing it, or removing the other side. I wound it up, as best I could, tucked it into the partially opened zipper and used the handle instead.
The meeting that followed was nothing short of a disaster, leaving me feeling undermined and questioning my worth. I was blindsided by colleagues and left feeling disheartened, as if the work I had contributed to the university was for nothing. I felt defeated and alone as I exited and walked down the stairs and back onto Barrie street. One thing kept me moving however, I needed to find the carabiner that had fallen off at the intersection. I just hoped that it was still there. As I got closer I saw it. Its presence at the intersection was not just a stroke of luck, it felt like a message from the universe. It never left me. With a simple twist, the carabiner bridged the broken strap and my fractured spirit, binding the physical and the emotional together. In that moment, it transformed from a mere tool to a symbol of resilience and adaptability.
Now, on this chilly January morning in 2024, I reflect on that day with newfound clarity. Recently, I had a conversation with my son about the interplay of spirituality and quantum physics in the film 'Interstellar'. In essence, we were talking, from a spiritual (me) and quantum physics (my son) perspective, about the chance that a future You, could help the past You. We contemplated if that past (or present) You just kept looping around, making the same mistakes, or if the past (present) you evolved consciously. He was adamant that any changes made to the past (present) You, would result in a paradox. I argued that a shift in the past (present) You, would result in moving you to a higher orbit or higher state of consciousness of some kind.
In my opinion, the future version of myself, had given me the sense, or intuition, to place the carabiner on my bag those years earlier. Every time I thought about removing it, which I had many times, my intuition would stop me. And then, the moment came when I needed it. At the time it happened, I was not aware of the profoundness of that moment; however, it did remind me that something as small as a carabiner had the ability to fix something physical (the bag) and emotional (my mood) that day. And today, I realize that I need to trust the process, to trust that everything is working out for the greater good.
As I write, I can't help but wonder how my current self-awareness is shaping the future for me, and perhaps for others. Like Murph in the movie, my journey is intertwined with unseen links of time and space. The carabiner, once an oddity, now stands as a testament to the power of intuition and the beauty of life's unpredictable nature. It reminds me that true strength lies within, unbreakable and eternal, much like the spirit it has come to represent.
But the carabiner taught me a few more lessons. I am reminded to pay closer attention to my intuition. It is a guide, a way of knowing, when there is no explanation, an inner feeling that says you are on the right track (or not) but that you should keep going (or adjust). It also helps me recognize that nothing meant for me can ever pass me by. If it is meant to be, it is meant to be.
Even though I left that meeting feeling deflated, the carabiner reminded me that something better was around the corner. I needed that meeting to happen, just as it did, to show me something that I needed to know. To teach me a lesson that I needed to understand.
Lastly, the carabiner reminded me of my inner power, worth, and grace. A bag, albeit expensive and exclusive, could bend and break. The inner me, the higher self, was true, sustainable, and permanent. It cannot break with the challenges of life. The grace of my higher self, is as simple and delicate as the carabiner. When you go and look for it, it will always be there. No one can take it away from you. It is strong when you think things are falling apart, and its presence is a present - a small gift that allows you to breathe when things get rough and focus on the now. An opportunity to remember that there is no time, and to love the present.
In embracing my intuition, I acknowledge that life's path is often unclear, but always meaningful. The carabiner's journey from a simple tool to a symbol of inner strength and grace, mirrors my own transformation. It reassures me that in the midst of life's tumult, there lies a serene certainty - the resilience of the human spirit, ever-present, ever guiding, just like the unassuming carabiner on my purse.